Self Mutilation

[digitaldiscipline]

How would you:

1) . . . describe yourself to a blind person?
Poorly. "I'm about five nine, one eighty. Short hair. Yes, I realize I need a shave. Heynow, you don't need to check the package. . . "

2) . . . kill the most people in your town, with only a week's planning (but unlimited funds)?
Hijack a large towboat/tugboat. Pump 20,000 gallons or so of diesel on a couple of barges full of ammonium nitrate and light it, cutting the barges loose and pushing them into the path of one of the huge cruise ships. Ka-POW. If the blast breaches the levee and takes down the high-tension wires next to the petrochemical plant. . . (I get to think up this shit for work, how cool is that?)

3) . . . remix any one song ever made?
Bach's Toccatta et Fugue in D-minor a'la Frontline Assembly's "Mortal."

4) . . . like to be remembered?
The wit, the charm, the temper.

5) . . . change one completely trivial popular thing?
Mystery snipers and six-drink minimums at all celebrity award shows.