Jesus Among the Rednecks

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I used to live in the boonies. Dirt road, top of a mountain, actual need for 4wd, The Fucking Boondocks. I also worked second shift (1530-030), which meant that my usual bedtime during the work week was something approximating sunup (0500-0600). I was Not From Around Here, and it was fairly obvious (strange hair, odd music, penchant for computer hardware in lieu of deer hunting paraphernalia, etc).

In the three years I lived at that apartment, I had unexpected visitors a total of three times - once when my best friend showed up, once when my landlord wanted me to come over for a beer, and this event.

0830 one bright, sunny Saturday morning, I am awakened (with some difficulty, since I'd gone to sleep about two hours previously, with the help of a not-inconsequential quantity of Southern Comfort or something similar) by a pounding on my door.

Two very earnest folks want to talk to me about how God loves the Rainforest. I nod, scratch myself occasionally, and make a very pointed glance over their shoulders, at the teeming forest we're standing right in the middle of.

Once I got tired of standing up, I cut to the chase:

"God created the world, right?"
"Yes..."
"He do a pretty good job?"
"Yes."
"Assuming for a minute that He did and He did, I think He'd probably have made it self-regulating, and that people, as His creations, couldn't mess it up."
"Ummm... it's all in our pamphlet."
"Are those printed on recycled paper?"
"Er, no..."
"Then get the fuck off my porch."

Comments

[mpeace.livejournal.com]

I'm suddenly having a "Are they made with real Girl Scouts?" moment. ;)

[david-deacon.livejournal.com]

"Are those printed on recycled paper?"
"Er, no..."
"Then get the fuck off my porch."

*chortle*

[kaliva.livejournal.com]

I had the exact same reaction..hehehe

[timly.livejournal.com]

emailing this to me-self at work so i can share with a cow-orker. he's gonna get as big a kick out of it as me.

also, i need more friends like you.

[etcet.livejournal.com]

what, hungover and grouchy? ;-)

[fenixinthedark.livejournal.com]

Devils advocate time...

Let's say you *don't* believe in God, you *do* believe that man is capable of completely screwing up the environment to the detriment of all life (excepting the cockroach, who will inherit the earth regardless of what we do), and you live in a red-necky area.

How do you reach your (probably very dogmatically "Christian", "I believe everything Jerry Falwell tells me") neighbours?

Um... that way. Tell 'em "God loves the rainforest".

Is it lame? Yeah, pretty much, but not everyone was gifted with sharp debating skills and an IQ greater than average. In fact, for those with higher quotients *to* be listed as being on the upper end of the intellect bell curve, someone's gotta be on the other end, and others in the middle.

I gotta credit the guys with a little ingenuity... they knew their target audience was not gonna listen to a typical environmentalist pitch without their then being dubbed "tree huggers", and having Bubba go fetch "Nell", the 12 gauge shotgun he's had since he was 5.

You, my friend, were the anomoly on which they were not counting.

[etcet.livejournal.com]

I think you're attributing a level of cleverness and subtlety to the community in which I lived that was conspicuously absent; these were your stereotypical middle-aged evangelists, from my admittedly fuzzy recollection (they could have been pretty much any pair of my or K's aunts & uncles).

[fenixinthedark.livejournal.com]

I think you're attributing a level of cleverness and subtlety to the community in which I lived that was conspicuously absent...

:::giggles:::

Likely so. :-D

[firefly-pilot.livejournal.com]

Awesome rebuttal anyway, dude.

always the same goal.

[yokes1971.livejournal.com]

When the fundies from the "Tab" would come around to the folks house back in the day I always wanted them to leave shaking their heads, but not enough to camp out on the fron tlawn. It was a delicate balance

My fav was when they showed up as I was getting mail/newspapers for ma and pa and ask me how I would like a world without evil and I proceded to tell them just how boring that would be because good can't exist without evil.