Hey, why does it smell like the underside of a bridge in here?

[digitaldiscipline]

Trolling, literally, for trolling.

Anyone who wants a custom rant, post here and give me a subject. I will subsequently deliver napalm eloquence on the subject, whether I know jack shit about it or not. *grin*

[This concept swiped shamelessly from sylvara, who got it from a friend of hers].

Comments

[micahra.livejournal.com]

your mother sews socks in HELL!

[etcet.livejournal.com]

Three expectant mothers are sitting in a knitting circle. The first woman's wristwatch beeps, and she reaches into her purse, takes out a small pill bottle, pops one, and resumes knitting. The other two women look at her questioningly.

"Calcium. It's for the baby."

Ten minutes later, the second woman's PDA beeps, and she also reaches into her purse, pulls out a bottle, and pops a pill.

"Multivitamin, for the baby."

Fifteen minutes later, the third woman glances at the clock, pulls a pill bottle out of her handbag, takes one, and resumes her work. After five minutes go by, the other women clear their throats. "Well?"

"Thalidomide. I can't do gloves for shit."

[elixxir.livejournal.com]

Couples who have so utterly lost their shit they no longer have individual names or identities, but insist on being referred to as "The Jimmies".

[etcet.livejournal.com]

I'll kick you in the jimmy, dagnabbit. Heh.

I understand the desire for cutesy inclusive nicknames; however, groupthink has no reason to obviate the individual constituents. . . that's what the military is for. ;-)

Frankly, couples who meld into some weird amalgam of both partners, and subsequently are incapable of any autonomy boggle my mind. I don't know about the rest of you, but I fucking well -enjoy- it when K and I can do things separately; we don't need to spend every waking moment together, and it's kind of nice to come home to someone who's happy to see you because they've missed you in the intervening X hours. And, yeah, sometimes, no matter how much you adore someone, you need a break; four hours of being single, being able to be selfish without worrying about upsetting someone near and dear, the lot of it.

I think that The Jimmies of the world have gone so long without even thinking about that they've forgotten stuff like that exists. Orwell talked about how the removal of the language for dissent removed the ability to contemplate it in 1984; that was involuntary, this is voluntary, but just as effective.

Intellectual shorthand and self-labeling of whatever stripe precludes any excess thought. You become what you call yourself: Christian, metalhead, or Jimmie. Brains are lazy things.

[netgoth.livejournal.com]

conservative xian republicans (ala fro0tlo0p).

[etcet.livejournal.com]

Hi, you evolved from thinking meat; if you want to crawl your ass back down the evolutionary ladder and substitute knee-jerk reactionism based on a work of fiction for actual thought and compound it with a domineering agenda, that's your choice, but shut the fuck up. You know why you feel persecuted and attacked on all fronts? Because you're wrong, fundamentally offensive, and aggressively working to exacerbate it.

The basic tenet to not be an asshole to the next guy is conveniently forgotten when you're railing about the abominations of homosexuality; you do know that eating meat on fridays is also considered an abomination, right? So why don't you have some meat between -your- buns along with that hamburger for din-din, chump.

You're pushy, you're whiny, you're outmoded. Your fearless leader is infinitely fallable and demonstrably sinful, by your own accounting methods. Speaking of accounting, it's nice to know that tithing to the government buys forgiveness for big businesses' agendas at the individuals' expense. . . yours included, genius.

Serial killers claim god told them to kill; how, precisely, is what you're espousing any different? As Ted Nugent said, "Just what we need - more Hitler in our lives. 'You live and you die by my whim.'"

[inlaterdays.livejournal.com]

cocktail weenies.

[etcet.livejournal.com]

You are the Downs Syndrome of processed meat products. You take otherwise sensible lowbrow food, dip it some kind of sticky sweet goop, and suddenly it's haute cuisine? I don't fucking think so. Call 'em what they are - undersized Oscar Mayer weiners; midget bologna.

Ever actually -see- one in a cocktail? Hell no. That's just fucking nasty.

So you get all these rich fucks, with their twelve dollar martinis and their thousand dollar suits and gowns, eating what? Baby ballpark franks impaled on a toothpick with some decorative cellophane on it. I bet they mix real well with the highball hurl after Winston Wallacemagnet III washes his pate` down with a fifth of chardonnay.

[ladysoleil.livejournal.com]

Corporate recruiting

gothic pretension

men in tights

run with it, boy!

[etcet.livejournal.com]

see also: Santorum

[yeah, that was a cop-out, but I don't need to think about your pasty fucking southern hemispheres before my second cup of coffee]

[poisongirl.livejournal.com]

Anal sex with whippingboy and why it's just wrong.


(That! had to be said!)

[trid.livejournal.com]

Santorum.

[etcet.livejournal.com]

You just wanted me to google and get this (http://www.spreadingsantorum.com/), didn't you? *smirk*

I am -so- glad I don't live in that jackass' backwater fucking hick state any more [sorry, Helen]. I mean, look at the guy. . . that's a smirk only Richard Gere could love.

Now, not being a practitioner or fan of anal play, I'm a low-risk candidate to need to clean any of this stuff up. However, if elected, I do solemnly swear to clean its namesake up. I think we should bring back public flogging for gross stupidity. . . and make the penitent purchase the instruments, with a continuing sentence to use them at home (with his wife's consent, of course). How much you wanna bet Ol' Ricky Boy wants to stick it to the missus while the Policeman from the Village People looks on, "brandishing his nightstick"?

He -did- say he wants a cop in every bedroom.

Rick, you naughty boy! Cuff him, Dan-o.