Making it entirely out of fail

This is more or less verbatim. I have witnesses.

My day job is to be nice when helping people with their computers, not their fitness issues.

Coworker: "I want to build my back."
Me: "Do deadlifts, rows, and pullups."
Coworker: "My back, though..."
Me: "Keep your back flat, don't arch."
Coworker: "I don't want to get too big in my upper body, though."
Me: ....
Me: "Your back IS part of your upper body."
Coworker: "I mean, my chest. I don't want it to get bigger and put strain on my lower back."[1]
Me: "Look, to build muscle, you have to put strain on it. If you strengthen your back and core, that will protect your lower back."
Coworker: "But I don't want to strain my back."
Me: "Fine. Do pullups or squats."
Coworker: "Squats? Man! I don't want to do those."
Me: "I have nothing else to say to you."

I may not be the most knowlegeable person about everything fitness-related, but when you come to me and ask my free advice because I'm the most experienced local resource, and don't want to do anything I suggest?  My patience rapidly approaches zero.

Seriously, just... fuck you, dude. You can work, or you can bitch. I know which of those options gets results.

[1] Coworker is four inches taller and maybe fifteen or twenty pounds heavier than I am; he's not in any danger of being huge, heavy, or imbalanced, and has actually lost thirty pounds just by eating sensibly despite being almost laughably workout-averse.