This is seldom the level of service I deliver, but sometimes, you just gotta.

[digitaldiscipline]

After some back-and-forth about a site's script being slow, one of my users asked the following:

Help me understand because I am not wise in the ways and means of websites –

When I pull up the website on my laptop via the wireless card, the site comes up perfectly normal. When I pull it up on my desk top, I get the below described messages and problems. Am I to understand that the designer of the web page has put in a special code so that it will not come up properly only on a desktop computer located in a cubicle on the 4th floor of the [company] HQ building?

Have I got that right?

My reply:

Coders are devious and evil. Cowls hide their faces, their hands are gnarled from untold hours of typing, and shake from all the caffeine they subsist on. I know many, have seen their dark rites, and would not put such perniciousness past them.

That said, from your initial email, it sounded like your browser always had problems when visiting this site, and hadn't realized it was fine on the laptop but recalcitrant on your desktop system.

Let's take the Occam's Razor approach, and purge the temporary internet files (tools -> options -> delete temporary internet files) to rid ourselves of any cached script data that's fouled up; follow this by directing your browser to auto-purge itself in the future (go to the Advanced tab, scroll most of the way to the bottom, and check the box beside "delete temporary internet files on browser exit."

After clearing out the temporary files, close all open browser windows, reopen it anew, and see if [site] behaves itself.

If not, I'll send [coworker] up with some stakes and holy water.

Muahahahah....

Now that’s a good e-mail –

I will try your procedure shortly.

Comments

[serpentstar.livejournal.com]

Heh-heh, I like. :)

[etcet.livejournal.com]

"Thank you for calling the Help Drow, how may I damn you?"

[chromeangel.livejournal.com]

your married right?

damn

so am I

freaking awesome :)thank you

[etcet.livejournal.com]

Uh, not married, but coming up on eight years with the same female-of-questionable-judgment. ;-)

Also, straight and male, which might hinder things even without the whole lack of gay marriage rights in this country. *grin*

[chromeangel.livejournal.com]

same here but man

that was beautiful to behold

[sharkskitten.livejournal.com]

:: giggle ::

That's almost as good as the customer calling in because their wireless wasn't working. Um, no, they didn't have our wireless external card for their desktop and they didn't have the desktop hardwired.

They were told that wireless was an option with UVS, so it should work no matter where they put their computer desk. Shouldn't it?!

[etcet.livejournal.com]

*snerk*

My favorite "why can't I get online" call was the fellow who (back in the days of external modems) had both an internal and an external one... and attached them to one another.

After playing follow-the-wire for a while to discern what they'd done, I asked, "Where do suppose the dial tone comes from?"

He was very good-natured about it, took the external modem out of the equation and, ZOUNDS! got online.

[smaugchow.livejournal.com]

My best example is nowhere near as cool, but far more satisfying. My boss is looking in a file for some widget or whatnot that I was supposed to put in and it wasn't there. He went all horrified on me, the whole "What have you done?!" bit along with the disappointed scolding tone you use on your dog when it shits on the ottoman, all while getting progressively more annoyed at my impassive, eyebrows half raised look of boredom and disdain.

Dumb bastard was looking in the VASTLY wrong file, which he should have noticed IMMEDIATELY but had worked up such a head of steam that I hadn't been able to alert him before he made an ass of himself. Did I mention that the rest of the team was in the room too? Good times.....

My environtment is gonna change from Mainframe stupidity that should have been purged in the 80's to SAP, JAVA, C++, Microsquish SQL Server, etc. Like switching from a rowboat with one broken oar to a 200 foot yacht. I might actually have marketable skills in 3 years!

[etcet.livejournal.com]

Niiiiice.

My favorite call, though, was the one that led to the discovery of a dead hamster and a difficult conversation between my customer and his daughter (said rodent had found some coax tasty).