Seldom....

[digitaldiscipline]

I seldom get to be an unrepentant dick at work, but I was just now.

This morning, a coworker announced that she had made cupcakes, which folks could have as an afternoon snack.

Cupcake-making coworker took a late and long lunch. Other coworkers got back from their lunches and began wandering over to this person's desk (which is near mine, in an enclosed portion of the office) and making cupcake-related inquiries.

I managed not to say "YOU KNOW WHAT, THEY'RE NOT MY FUCKING CUPCAKES, I DON'T GIVE A FLYING BLUE SHIT IF YOU EAT ONE," to all and sundry, who were vulturing at my neighbor's desk.

Is my name on any fucking email about cupcakes? No. Did I make them? No.

In short, I do not have anything to do with the fucking cupcakes.

Cupcake-making coworker (CMK) returned and noticed three missing cupcakes. I named names of those who had procured them impatiently. Apparently, there was keen interest in the subsequent twit I made: "I HAVE THROWN PEOPLE UNDER THE CUPCAKE BUS, AND I PROCLAIM LOUDLY AND WITHOUT REMORSE, I FEEL NO SHAME FOR MY ACTIONS."

CMK then sent out another department-wide email, stating where the cupcakes were (another part of the office). Moments later, another coworker came by, looking for the cupcakes.

Me: Learn to read, dude.
Coworker: What?
Me: Do you see any cupcakes here?[1]
Coworker: Ummm... no?
Me: Is (location of cupcakes) in here?
Coworker: No....
Clue Light: [illuminates]
Coworker: [wanders off]

VEX ME NOT WITH YOUR DESSERTS AND PASTRIES, YE WASTRELS, FOR MY WRATH IS MIGHTY, MY SNARK WITHOUT LIMIT, AND MY REMAINING TEMPER MEASURED IN ANGSTROMS.

[1] Yes, you can hear, "Does Marcellus Wallace look like a bitch?" very plainly in this utterance.

Comments

[apocalypticbob.livejournal.com]

Anyone who would unfriend me over sprinkles was never my friend at all. Mama said so.

I am, to this point, unaware of deep-seated cupcake confection convictions in any of my friends... care to enlighten me?

[etcet.livejournal.com]

I have friends who are alarmingly *into* sprinkles.

[etcet.livejournal.com]

and, since my syntax is causing confusion:

/friend

is the syntax in most MMORPGs to add someone to one's list of friends, it's not an ascii depiction of detaching a friend, or something like that.

[apocalypticbob.livejournal.com]

Ah, see, and I went straight to HTML land and figured /friend meant endfriend.

But not in the murderous "I will end you!" kind of way. One hopes. 'Cause that would be snuff, not sprinkles.

YAY clarification!!